Quittin' Church

Leaving a church is hard.  Or at least it should be.  Leaving a church for any reason other than a move that makes it physically impractical to attend there anymore should be a difficult, gut-wrenching decision.  It should keep you up nights wondering if you're doing the right thing and questioning your own motives.  You should pray, seek wise counsel, pray some more, then make the decision to leave only when you finally have peace about it. 

I've done it before.  In my adult life, which I will say began when I got married 18 years ago (my wife might dispute that assertion), we have been members of five churches, including the one we currently attend.  It would stand to reason, then, that we have left four of them.  The first we left because of a move, although I believe we might not have been there much longer if we hadn't moved unless some real changes were made.  The second, after attending for several months, we left purposely because it was made fairly obvious to us that we were outsiders and would never really be welcomed into "the club."  The third we left because of another move.  The fourth we left because of a complicated combination of social reasons (which I'm still not sure I understand) and the fact that the culture and leadership of the church made it pretty much impossible for us to serve in the areas in which we were truly gifted and had a desire to serve. 


The times we left a church intentionally were painful.  We did wonder, in both cases, if we were just being selfish or petty.  It felt almost like a divorce, especially the second one, although we had done all the things I mentioned above in coming to our decisions.  Leaving a church you've committed to should be a last-ditch effort and should pretty much never happen. 


Or should it? 

[Let me add that there are some churches that have a completely toxic, controlling, unhealthy dynamic.  They're not hard to spot and I'd leave one of those in about five minutes.  That's not what I'm talking about here.]

This is the thing.....a lot of people, and I mean a LOT of people, go to church every Sunday, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, as well as to whatever other activities their church has throughout the week.  Maybe they are part of the 20 or so percent that do all the work, the ones that spend 12 or 15 hours a week doing "church stuff."  Maybe they are part of the other 80 or so percent that just show up and warm a pew a few hours a week and critique the music and sermons.  The sad part is that no matter which of these groups any particular person is part of, a great majority of people do their "thing" for five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, support the church and all its programs and ministries, but never grow spiritually the least bit.  They never figure out their own spritual gifts.  They never learn to read the Bible and understand it for themselves.  They never learn to be more humble, discerning, disciplined, loving, whatever thing is lacking in their particular makeup.  They never know the passion and satisfaction of finding and doing what God specifically made them to do.  They never learn to make the effort to intentionally come alongside a younger brother or sister and walk with them through their journey in the faith.  They never learn to accept responsibility for themselves and be able to function independently as a mature member of the body of Christ, instead waiting on the preacher to tell them what to do and how to believe. 


This may sound harsh and you may think I just have a beef with the traditional church because that's not where I am right now.  But let me say, I've been around a lot of different churches for a long time and I've seen this over and over.  People who are allowed to sneak in on Sunday morning for worship, then sneak out without talking to anyone for years without anyone taking the initiative to reach out to them.  People who have claimed the name of Christ for forty plus years, but are some of the meanest people you ever met; who would allow their church to shrivel and die because becoming more relevant might mean they'd have to learn to like a different style of music.  And I don't care if your church has a pipe organ or a drum set and guitars or bagpipes.....if people are not being intentionally drawn into Christian community, encouraged to grow in their faith, held accountable, and shown how to naturally and genuinely present the Gospel of Jesus Christ to those inside and outside the church body, your church is pretty much useless.  Those are tough words, but I've known of churches that have had the same pastor, same people, same everything literally for decades, but have hardly grown at all.  I'm certainly not in a place to judge another person's ministry, but I can "inspect the fruit," and if there ain't any, well.....that just says something about the effectiveness of what's going on there. 



The point is this:  if your church is like this; if you wake up one day and realize you're busy all the time, but the energy you're expending is just supporting the organization of the church and not adding something meaningful to your life or anyone else's; if you see that your church is not "bad," there is just no place for you to use the gifts God has given you.....maybe it is time for a change.  If your church isn't pressing you to become more like Christ, what is more important?  Keeping the peace, avoiding conflict and change, not hurting anyone's feelings, or making sure that you are alive and growing spiritually in the way that God would have you to be? 


Now please don't get the idea that I think everyone should leave their church and come to mine because it's so much better.  I think it's great or I wouldn't be there, but every church has its warts.  Life with other Christians is messy and if you're doing anything worthwhile, there will be differences of opinion, personality conflicts, and even the occasional major disagreement.  That's natural and normal, and I'd say that if you never run into any of these things, you probably don't have real relationships with the people in your church.  And you will notice that I never mentioned hurt feelings or disagreements as a reason to leave a church....it's something you deal with and work through, and everyone is made better by them if they will allow themselves to be. 


My challenge to you would be to honestly evaluate yourself, your church, and the ways in which you are using your time, energy, and resources in Christian service (not just in church-related activities, but in your own personal ministry as well).  If the group you're affiliated with is helping you grow closer to Jesus and other Christians, and helping you discover how to serve in the ways God made you to serve, that's great.  If not, however, maybe it's time for a change.  That might mean a change in you.  Come in from the edges and get involved in Christian community.  Seek help from your church leadership in finding your gifts and a meaningful way you can use them to build up the body of Christ.  Maybe even try to initiate some changes in your church that will help it better fulfil these roles.  But if you find yourself in a church that is unable or unwilling to serve its members in these ways, or at least start working toward it, maybe it's time to start looking for something else.


Leaving a church should be a tough decision.  One that shouldn't be made quickly or out of emotion.  But remaining in a place that allows you to sit on your good intentions for years or one that forces you to use up all your energy in pointless activities is, in my opinion, a prime example of sinfully bad stewardship (on your part) of the resources God gave you.  He didn't give you these resources to build up yourself or some program or organization, he gave them to you to glorify Him and to build up the Body of Christ.  Make sure you are using them for that purpose, even if you have to quit your church to do it.