NOT Quittin' Church

I have a seven-year-old daughter.  Sometimes she gets together with other kids to play.  Kids being kids, and my daughter being an only child, minor squabbles and disagreements are inevitable.  We've been around families where the mom hovers close by and jumps in at the first sign of friction and makes sure everything is going smoothly and no one ever gets their feelings hurt.  I understand the motivation, but I've observed that, in addition to being particularly tiring for the hovering mom, the kids are also missing out on a wonderful opportunity to learn how to work through disagreements.  My approach is usually to let the kids play, take advantage of the time they are occupied and out of my hair, and have some real interaction with the other adults in the room.  If I hear screaming or extended silence (parents, you know what I mean), I'll go check the situation out, but otherwise I tend to let the kids play on their own.  If my daughter comes to me complaining about some other kid not sharing her Barbies or not being nice, I usually tell her she's seven years old and is plenty big enough to go work it out with them.  Kids that age usually know what's right, they just need practice in stepping back, thinking it through, and being willing to make a little sacrifice if necessary to resolve their problems. 
This is a follow-up post to my last one about quitting church.  I was sort of hoping at least a few people would glance over that one and write some scathing comments about me telling people they should quit church immediately, never mind what the post actually said.  I follow a few "real" blogs and that's what always seems to happen to those guys, but I guess I'll have to keep at it for a while longer before that kind of stuff starts to happen to me.  You people are harder to agitate than I anticipated. 

Anyhow, I wanted to talk a little more about the topic of 'quitting' on a church.  More specifically, I want to talk about why NOT to quit a church.  I included the illustration about my daughter because a great many of the times I've seen someone leave a church, it has been for reasons very similar to the ones that cause disagreements among a bunch of seven-year-olds.  People get mad at each other and can't resolve it, people get mad at the pastor or someone else in a leadership position, people don't like the way the church is spending it's money or conducting the worship service, people don't like the style of the preacher.....the list goes on and on.  Now, some of these could very well become a reason to leave a church if, as I discussed in my last post, they keep you from being able to serve God in your church and can't be resolved after sincere attempts, but much of the time that's not the case.  We get upset, stew about it, tell our friends in an attempt to get more people on "our side," then end up just leaving.  And often becoming a problem at the next church we attend. 

The problem boils down to one basic thing....we are selfish.  We attend church because of what "we get out of it" and when we're not getting what we want, we think the problem is with the church and we need to find another one.  Let's stop and ask ourselves what the purpose of the church is to begin with.  It's not to cater to the members, that's for sure.  The purpose of the church is to bring glory to God!  The purpose of the church is to be a place that gives us as believers a place where we can learn, grow, and become better suited to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the people around us!  If a church is not (and has no intention of) fulfilling that function, it's no better than a social club and maybe you should leave.  But if the problem is just that you're upset with someone or you don't like what's going on or you don't like the music.........I'll tell you what I tell my daughter:  "You're old enough to know how to handle this.  Go back and work it out!"  We know the right things to do.  If we're angry, forgive.  If we feel we've been wronged, the Bible has clear steps we are to take in getting such issues resolved.  If we don't like the way something is being done, maybe try to get it changed, maybe suck it up and live with it. 

Here is a comment my friend Dave Burke posted on Facebook (take a look at his most excellent blog about raising his sons, Raising Men, at this link):

"Our main motivation for attending church shouldn't be an expectation that we will gain something from it. No human institution can hope to consistently satisfy the needs of everyone - disappointment and dissatisfaction are inevitable (and evident in many congregations). The model for the church is that individuals each bring to the group their own talents and abilities. Together those combine to create something bigger than the parts, not for the betterment of the parts themselves, but for the benefit of the whole. As a result there is mutual encouragement and blessing, and perhaps others will be inspired to become a part of it."

Dave points out that we shouldn't attend church because of what we think we will get out of it, but that we should attend and participate in a local congregation as an outlet for the talents and gifts God has given each one of us, to be used to the benefit of the kingdom of God as a whole.  Maybe things aren't exactly like we want them.  So what?  If there are 200 people at your church, there are 200 different opinions as to how things would ideally be done.  As Dave also states above, it would be impossible to satisfy every one of them, so it is necessary that some people will be at least mildly dissatisfied with something.  Chances are, you'll be one of them. 

I would challenge each of you to be willing to "take one for the team" if need be.  Learning to sacrifice in this way is a remarkable opportunity for spiritual growth.  If you don't particularly like the worship (or whatever) but your church is vibrant and growing, be willing to work through it for the sake of the people who are being reached.  If you have a disagreement with someone else in the church, don't nurse it for years.  Bring it out into the open, with help from the church leadership if need be, and work it out!  If you have to be the one to give, then be the one to give for the sake of the church and the outsiders who are watching it all unfold.  And believe me, they are watching.

The church is a family.  Healthy families are messy.  They have problems, disagreements, differences of opinion, maybe even a sharp division on occasion.  But they are still family.  They value being a family more than they value being right and they will work hard, have the tough conversations, do whatever it takes to keep the family together.  Not in a sweep-it-under-the-rug unhealthy way, but in a let's-talk-this-through-and-come-to-an-agreement (read: Biblical) kind of way.  Even with that weird uncle you're not too sure about or the sister who drinks too much and makes a scene at family get-togethers occasionally.  But more importantly, the church is a family that isn't united by the blood of family relationships.  The church is a family that is united by the blood of Jesus Christ.  Let's not forget that.  You got problems with your church or someone in it?  You're grown.  Go work it out.